Of course, the song by itself is worth a listen – a good satire of suburban culture.

HT: Scottunder

HT: Gavin McGrath

Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.

Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of per­sonal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate “patriotic” comments.

When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and considera­tion.” Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.

Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.

Haggle over precise wordings of com­munications, minutes, resolutions.

Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.

Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reason­able” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.

Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the juris­diction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.

– Simple Sabotage Field Manual (Strategic Services)

These and the many other suggestions found in the sabotage manual are probably grounds for some rethinking of how we run our denominations.

HT: Boing Boing

The reader must not imagine that he is to find in it wisdom, brilliancy, fertility of invention, ingenuity of construction, excellence of form, purity of style, perfection of imagery, truth to nature, clearness of statement, humanly possible situations, humanly possible people, fluent narrative, connected sequence of events–or philosophy, or logic, or sense.  No; the rich, deep, beguiling charm of the book lies in the total and miraculous absence from it of all these qualities–a charm which is completed and perfected by the evident fact that the author, whose naive innocence easily and surely wins our regard, and almost our worship, does not know that they are absent, does not even suspect that they are absent.

 For example?

Her heart yielded to no feeling but the love of Elfonzo, on whom she gazed with intense delight, and to whom she felt herself more closely bound, because he sought the hand of no other. Elfonzo was roused from his apparent reverie.  His books no longer were his inseparable companions–his thoughts arrayed themselves to encourage him to the field of victory.  He endeavored to speak to his supposed Ambulinia, but his speech appeared not in words. No, his effort was a stream of fire, that kindled his soul into a flame of admiration, and carried his senses away captive. Ambulinia had disappeared, to make him more mindful of his duty. As she walked speedily away through the piny woods, she calmly echoed: "O!  Elfonzo, thou wilt now look from thy sunbeams.  Thou shalt now walk in a new path–perhaps thy way leads through darkness; but fear not, the stars foretell happiness."

Although it would be a pleasure to continue the quotation of Twain's A Cure for the Blues, which is well worth reading, let me exhort you to read this gem of a work; as Twain writes:

There is but one Homer, there is but one Shakespeare, there is but one McClintock–and his immortal book is before you.  Homer could not have written this book, Shakespeare could not have written it, I could not have done it myself.  There is nothing just like it in the literature of any country or of any epoch.  It stands alone; it is monumental.  It adds G. Ragsdale McClintock's to the sum of the republic's imperishable names.

All hail to the Rev. George Gilfillan of Dundee,
He is the greatest preacher I did ever hear or see.
He is a man of genius bright,
And in him his congregation does delight,
Because they find him to be honest and plain,
Affable in temper, and seldom known to complain.
He preaches in a plain straightforward way,
The people flock to hear him night and day,
And hundreds from the doors are often turn'd away,
Because he is the greatest preacher of the present day…

— William McGonagall, "An Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan"

But unsung poets who persist in singing are not the only ones to give to literature some of its choicest gems. Some of the more lauded poets have embarassments all their own.

Coleridge, for example, wrote a poem he made the mistake of titling "To a Young Ass":

Poor little foal of an oppressèd race!
I love the languid patience of thy face:
And oft with gentle hand I give thee bread,
And clap thy ragged coat, and pat thy head

…

Innocent foal! thou poor despised forlorn!
I hail thee Brother — spite of the fool's scorn!
And fain would take thee with me, in the Dell
Of Peace and mild Equality to dwell,
Where Toil shall call the charmer Health his bride,
And Laughter tickle Plenty's ribless side! …

The misplaced sentimentality of Coleridge amuses, nay, even evokes wry smiles from the best of us. But we are inclined to be tolerant. After all, who is not maudlin at times? But Wordsworth's mundanity is a much worse crime, deserving no quarter:

And to the left, three yards beyond,
You see a little muddy pond
Of water, never dry,
I've measured it from side to side:
'Tis three feet long, and two feet wide…

— Wordsworth, "The Thorn"

Wordsworth later revised the poem, but too late to prevent him from causing a good deal of laughter.

Let me close with a few words from poor Tony Weller, who seems to have heard a bit too much bad poetry in his life:

Poetry’s unnat’ral; no man ever talked poetry ‘cept a beadle on boxin’ day, or Warren’s blackin’ or Rowland’s oil, or some o’ them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

— Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers.

HT: Confessing Evangelical 

According to Cynthia Nielson, the following are useful categories of kiss:

• Aristotelian kiss. A kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.
• Hegelian kiss. Dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss, forming a synthekiss.
• Cartesian kiss. A particularly well-planned and coordinated movement: “I think, therefore, I aim.” In general, a kiss does not count as Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt that one has been kissed. (cf. Polar kiss, a more well-rounded movement involving greater nose-to-nose contact, but colder overall.)

Ben Myers responded with some slightly more theological kisses:

• Luther: If the Word of God tells me to kiss, then I will kiss—and let the pope, the world and the devil be damned!
• Karl Barth: “I kiss you.” There are three related problems to consider here. I kiss you. I kiss you. I kiss you.
• N. T. Wright: Every kiss is a dramatic enactment of our return from exile.
• Billy Graham: Will you walk down the aisle and kiss me tonight? Will you do it tonight? You many never have another chance—you might be dead tomorrow!

Do visit the linked sites; there are even more kisses there for your osculation.